


letters from a loser: ben.

by Prettything_uglylie



Series: fictober 2019 [5]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Ben Hanscom is baby, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Insecure Ben Hanscom, M/M, this is a character study of ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 21:49:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21043325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettything_uglylie/pseuds/Prettything_uglylie
Summary: Yes, I am catching up on fictober now.





	letters from a loser: ben.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I am catching up on fictober now.

Hi. This story isn't your good one but it's yours: own it. You are born into this body - this body that will always hate you - and this name and this family. Your father will die and your mother will be the only thing you have growing up until you are thirteen. 

At thirteen, you are large than any of the other boys your age and your mother can no longer hide behind the lies of you being 'big-boned', you are just fat. You are just 'two-tits', you are just every mean thing Henry Bowers and his gang can think to throw at you. 

Victor is the meanest: he speaks like you genuinely disgust him where Henry doesn't treat you any different than anyone else he deems a "loser" and Belch never harasses him unless he's not alone 

( you never get used to the names ) 

You stop eating - it's easier. Watching your carb intake and even going on dangerous diets becomes your life, it becomes the easiest course of action - in your mind, at least. 

Bev watches you with beautiful sympathetic eyes and you want to cup her face and speckle kisses along her freckles. She doesn't understand but she seems to want to, to pity you because she doesn't understand; but she doesn't understand you because she pities you. 

The others don't seem to understand either; Eddie asks every once in awhile if you're okay. Stan is rather quiet but examines every pound of him like it's falling off his bones before his very eyes. Mike brings a large tray of food to your guys' lunch table and suggests with kind eyes that you eat and sometimes, you do. Richie calls you hot, he checks you out and calls hot;_ you don't think you'll ever be hot_. Bill -_ and oh, you try not to hate Bill_ \- encourages you to eat and watches you carefully. 

Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. 

This isn't a good story but it's yours. 

And it's the truth. 


End file.
